


From Me to You

by bexara



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, M/M, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexara/pseuds/bexara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little something to start AoKaga month. Kagami internal pov as he suffers through what he believes are unrequited feelings for Aomine.</p>
<p>
  <i>I turn and there you are, standing beside him as you always do when we three are together. Heaven and hell wage war inside me. I want to touch you. I want to hurt you. I do neither. Instead, I ignore you and scowl playfully at my friend, my partner, my unknowing tormentor.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Me to You

 

I’m not a particularly deep thinker. _Bakagami_ is something I hear on such a frequent basis that I sometimes find myself actually answering to it. If you are looking at a cure for cancer or world hunger, I’m definitely not your man.

Then there is my temper. Unlike a certain someone, I don’t go around punching or kicking people, but I’ve been known to yell and growl and glare menacingly at those who piss me off. You, in particular, have been on the receiving end more times than I can count-- _though that’s completely your own fault_ \--and so has Kuroko. I’ve ground my hand against his head so often that I sometimes secretly wonder if I’m stunting his growth.

I live and breathe basketball, and I’m damn good at it. Exceptional really, I can say without arrogance or exaggeration. Sure my legs can jump, but I also work my ass off, laboring and straining until I squeeze out every last ounce of talent I possess.

These are things you already know about me, but what you don’t know, what you can never know, what I can never, ever tell you is that I am stupidly, hopelessly in love with you.

When did it begin? When I played against you for the first time? The second time? Yes, you were a giant dick, rude and mean spirited, your words and actions so disgusting that the very cells in my body vibrated with rage. We met on the court and the anger remained, through that first match at least. Yet, I couldn’t help watching you. So strong, so amazing, spinning and jumping and performing such astonishing moves that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much sweat I shed on those glossy wooden floors, I could never duplicate.

You didn’t really see me, not then, not until winter and our second game. I pushed you then, pushed you hard, stopping your effortless and miraculous plays, pushing and pushing until you pushed back. Suddenly, you were alive, your dark eyes no longer clouded with contempt and boredom but glittering with excitement. My breath stopped, my heart thundered. You showed me plays unlike any I had ever seen. You transcended the basketball I had seen before, played before, pulling me along with you. And you smiled as you did it. It did things to me, that smile.

I beat you that day, not alone of course, but what you don’t realize is I’m the one who really lost in the end.

Ah, you would laugh at that, wouldn’t you? “Che, Kagami, you’re a fucking idiot.” Yes, I can hear your low, smooth voice now. That voice that haunts my dreams, arouses my body, guides my hand as it creeps lower, beneath my shorts. I touch myself and, as the world turns white, it’s the memory of your voice that sends me over.

I bet you didn't think I could be like this. This dirty, this disgusting. I am sure you don’t know how hard I hold back, how I want to hold you, own you, consume you. I fight against myself every time we meet and you don’t even see it. Don’t or won’t, but either way it is the same.

It’s worse when you smile at _him_. When you laugh with him and talk to him and throw your arm over his shoulder. “Why isn’t that me?!” I want to scream to somebody, anybody who will listen, who can help rid of this pain. Like a wounded animal I want to lash out at him, at you. It’s ugly, this feeling. I don't understand it. I don't understand it, don’t want it, and yet I cannot rid myself of it either.

"Kagami-kun," a voice calls my name, his voice, not yours. 

I turn and there you are, standing beside him as you always do when we three are together. Heaven and hell wage war inside me. I want to touch you. I want to hurt you. I do neither. Instead, I ignore you and scowl playfully at my friend, my partner, my unknowing tormentor.

I don't know what else I am supposed to do.

"Kuroko, you’re late!" I tap him lightly on the head. “You’re always so freaking slow.” I pretend not to see you there, but my needy, hooded eyes take in your every breath.

Sure enough, your scowl appears instantly.

"Kagami, you bastard, don’t hit Tetsu like that! He doesn’t like it. What if you transfer some of your idiocy to him?" you snarl at me, jerking him away.

_Yes!_ You are looking at me. It doesn’t matter that your words are insulting, it is enough that you have noticed me. Our gazes meet and suddenly I can't breathe. Your eyes, so dark, so deep, so beautiful, those eyes singe my very core. Lust burns and spreads like wildfire through my veins. I summon a glaring frown, praying no hint of what I am feeling shows on my face.

"Aomine-kun, that’s rude," Kuroko’s voice is soft, rebuking. “Besides, if being an idiot was contagious, I would have caught it from you long ago.”

Your mouth falls open at the not-so subtle jab, and then you grab him, throwing your arm around his neck so you can pull him close and flick his forehead.

"Tetsu, you asshole, I’m going to beat you for that."

Of course, you don’t mean it. Your lips are already curving as Kuroko reaches up to push your hand away. That easy intimacy the two of you share breaks my heart. You didn’t reach this point overnight, but now you are back to the camaraderie you had at Teiko. I know because Kuroko told me with a small and rare smile lighting his face. _I’m also part of the reason you changed from dickhead back into a happy, basketball idiot!_ The urge to shout this in your stupid, handsome face is overwhelming.

"…ami. Kagami."

I blink, thrusting my black emotions away. Kuroko is staring back at me, a hint of worry in his round, pale eyes. Shit! Something in my expression must be off, or maybe the way I am holding myself is strange. He knows me, this partner of mine. On the court, it is a blessing, but not now.

I laugh, mocking and rough, hoping neither you nor Kuroko realize how forced it sounds.

"Ah, yeah, sorry. I was imagining the look on Aomine’s face when I hand his ass to him today.”

Kuroko tilts his head, gaze resting thoughtfully on my face. _Please don't look too hard_ , I silently plead. I don't want Kuroko to see the darkness that plagues me. I don't want him to know that, as much as I admire, need and actually kind of like him, I hate him as well.

I am persecuted by these feelings.

I look away from him. I have to. Like always, my gaze helplessly comes to rest upon you. Our eyes clash again.

Anger wrinkles your forehead, but you’re smirking. “Yeah, in your dreams, dumbass. You’ll be crying before I’m through with you.”

Hah! I laugh inwardly at your remarks. How shocked would you be if I suddenly blurted out the truth? " _Aomine, the only thing I actually dream about is fucking you_." If I told you that, what kind of face would you make? Of course, I won't say it. I won't ever say those damning words. Contrary to what everyone says, I am not that stupid.

I am, however, reckless. Your attention is on me, not Kuroko, and I want to keep it there. No matter what it takes.

"You say that, but you were the one in tears last winter. I overheard that pink-haired manager of yours telling Kuroko. Too bad she didn’t get a picture, I would have made it my phone background.” Cruel, so very cruel. I despise myself.

Before I even finish speaking, you are in my space. Grabbing a fistful of my shirt, you pull me close, close enough to feel your hot breath on my skin. Our legs tangle.

"Fuck you, asshole!"

Ah, I made a mistake. Your face, beautiful and angry like a vengeful god’s, fills my vision, and I breathe in your scent, almost getting drunk off of it. My pulse hammers. I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. Do you hear it too? Because you are furious, I bet the suggestive nature of our pose escapes you. Faces a breath apart, bodies touching, I can almost pretend you are leaning in to kiss me. I can’t help it, my eyes fall to your lips. Hunger gnaws at me, tempting me to reach out, grab your hair, and take by force what you will never give willingly.

Wait! Am I imagining it? Does your gaze dip as well? You lick your lips and my mouth parts in response. I don’t know that I’ve completely stopped breathing until black spots dance before my eyes and my lungs catch fire.

“If you like me just fucking say so already, moron!”

Your voice is low and husky and totally annoyed. Shock travels down my spine.

The kiss, when it comes, is all your doing, and I feel it all the way in my bones. When you let go, I stumble a little. My fingers wonderingly touch my lips and I stare dumbly back at you.

Those expressive blue eyes of yours roll. “You really are an idiot. Always trying to start a fight when you practically drool at the sight of me.”

I can’t get mad at your conceit because it’s true.

Kuroko steps up beside you, nodding. “Yes, Kagami-kun is like a little boy who puts bugs in the hair of the girl he likes. Very childish.”

I swallow hard. “You … knew?” Is that creaky, raspy sound my voice? I look back and forth between the two of you. “You both knew?”

“Well, you aren’t exactly subtle. Must be because you are a returnee.”

Anger flares hot. “Shut up!” And fades just as fast. “So why didn’t you ever say anything? Hit me or call me gross or, or something?!”

“I thought it was cute.” You shrug but there is softening around your mouth. I don’t recognize this expression on you. I’ve stared at your face enough to have seen them all, except this one. For some reason, my eyes start stinging.”Besides, I was waiting for you to get the balls to do something.”

You invade my bubble again and whisper against my lips, “But I got tired of waiting.”

“And I got tired of Aomine-kun calling and texting me all the time about you.” Kuroko interjects impishly.

“Dammit, Tetsu!”

I swear it’s pink I’m seeing brighten your cheeks. Just like that, I’m laughing and falling, all the strength in my body completely giving out. My butt hits the ground with a jarring thud. It hurts, that must be why I feel moisture trickling down my face. The anger at myself, and Kuroko, and yes even at you, shatters into a thousand tiny pieces. 

You squat down in front of me. Our knees bump.

“You really are a dumbass.” The words are fond, gentle, happy.  I’ve never heard you speak like that to me. I like it.

“No, I’m not.” My palms scrub my eyes, wiping away the dampness, and I smile so wide my face feels like it’s cracking. “But you’re one.”

_Can I say it now? Can I tell you the things I believed I would never, ever be able to say?_

“You both are,” Kuroko mutters. I glance up and he’s looking at you and me like we are lost children who finally found their way home.

I feel a lump in my throat. _I’m sorry I resented you_ , I apologize to him silently. Someday, I will get down on my hands and knees and apologize for real.

“I don’t want to watch you two moon at each other the rest of the day. I’m leaving.” He picks up his bag from the nearby bench. “Besides. I’ve got a date with Kise-kun anyway.”

Kise?! My astonishment is reflected on your face. Kuroko giggles at us, actually giggles, and then he’s gone.

“That’s a surprise.”

I nod at your statement. A second later we are both shaking our heads.

“No it’s not,” we laugh in unison.

Springing to your feet, you hold out your hand to me. I don’t even hesitate. Our fingers meld and you jerk me up. You don’t let go. I stare at your face, your eyes, your mouth. I desperately want to feel your lips again.

“Do it,” you whisper, reading my thoughts.

I watch your eyelashes drift shut. Who could resist such an invitation? Certainly not me. Later I’ll confirm that this is real, that I don’t have to suffer in silence anymore. But not now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I started this off as pure angst but that goes against my nature so I had to make it have a HEA at the end. It's a bit different from the way I normally write, but it's good to try other things. I hope you enjoy it. Kudos and comments are my fuel.


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